an apology

a few hours ago, my friend and i were discussing about our respective i.Ph blogs. then out of of the blue she noted that i rarely write about things with a personal slant.

"what do you mean?" i protested. "of course i have written several 'personal' posts — at least 2 or 3 of them. and it wasn't easy, mind you."

it was only when i was alone with my thoughts that i realized she does have a valid point. yes, i do write about things as they affect me personally, but i have never felt comfortable with the idea of wrestling with deeply personal issues online. i don't think i ever will, although…

yes, i think i have something personal to thrash out (i'll probably regret this later, but what the hey). no, it's not a vengeful rant. it's a belated apology to my parents. i got this idea from a forum that i had lately joined, and the question was "What would you say to your parents ?" (living or passed away)

so many things… but most of all i just want to say "i'm sorry" for the things i've done and haven't done. i know we were never the sort of family that finds it easy to say "i love you" or "sorry". and all this time i thought there was really no need to say the words. that is, until i got older and realized how much we needed to settle issues that should have been acknowledged or addressed sooner. and each time i pause and think and struggle to find the right words, it gets worse.

i'm not going to hide behind a convenient excuse ("too busy", "i just can't relate to this"). i know i could have (and should have) done better. i have been waiting all along for the right time to say this, but i guess there is no RIGHT time. i just needed to say it.

i'm sorry.