this unpredictable business of blogging is messing up what's left of my free time. it's making a shambles of my life, too. i've never been this volatile in so many a days. it's weird because i've been practically on autopilot these past few months, and now this.

one moment i'd be feeling particularly pleased with myself for having finished a nice piece, perhaps a tad better than i'd hoped, the next minute i'd be despondent because no matter what i do, i just don't seem to be moving in any direction at all. then i'd be downcast for several days and that muddles up my writing. next thing i know i'm being pummeled by self-doubts again.

when i started on this road a few months ago, i was hopeful (okay, make that an over-optimistic fool) that it would lead to something better — well at least something different to punctuate my humdrum routine. and then boom! our workload tripled, our schedule went haywire, and our solcial lives slipped to a grinding halt.

it's bad enough that i have to contend with a massive load of writer's block every now and then. these days, i barely have enough time to decide on a topic, pick out a title (mostly a hit-or-miss affair), re-read my post, check for glaring errors, edit the whole thing, and look for a nice way to round things off. selecting an effective ending for a meandering article is also another of concern because i have this tendency to ramble on and on… well, you get the drift.

i suppose it's partly my fault. part of my frustration stems from a lack of technical know-how. i have this vague concept of how i want my page to look like (content, theme, color, features, etc.), but as everyone knows there's a huge difference between what looks good on a drawing board and reality. and so, i'm reduced to using templates without understanding how some of the buttons work. i supose this is mostly because i lack the time to explore the features at my disposal. at any rate, despite my gripes, i continue to plod on, hoping one of these days i'd get the hang of things and produce this jaw-dropping, gorgeous site that many people would gladly want to visit (i told you i was over-optimistic)…

it makes for a nice fantasy anyway.