a buffoon goes to work

after weeks of procrastination, i finally had my moles surgically removed last saturday. the one nearest my right eye has been growing larger and getting itchier lately so rather than worry about it, i decided to have all 3 removed in one procedure.

the moment i got out of the clinic i began to notice people giving me funny looks. i managed to ignore all that until i got home and my neighbor quipped that i looked like a battered spouse (half of my right face was swathed in bandages). great, i noted sourly. another smartass comment like that and i won't be responsible for my actions. at this stage the anesthesia was beginning to wear off and i still hadn't taken the pill for the pain.

so you can imagine the trepidation i felt when i reported for work today. i was hardly through the main door when an acquaintance called out to me and asked (loudly) if i had fought with somebody lately. "no," i retorted with some heat. "i clashed with a clothesline yesterday and one of my eyeballs popped out, so i had it sewn back."

the funny thing was he actually stopped in his tracks and gaped at me. you could almost see the gears turning slowly in his mind.

i'm glad i resisted the idea of wearing an eyepatch to work. now, that would have been priceless. all that was needed was a parrot perched on my shoulders, a heavy cutlass hanging on my waist and some disreputable pirate's garb — and i'd be ready to report for work as one of capt. jack sparrow's crew (but please, not one of davy jones' barnacled mateys).